![]() You're just getting it out of the way now and have used that time to take stock of your life that has led you to where you are.ĭo you really think your best years are from 20 to 30? From my experience it was a perpetual journey through shallowness and conceit, trying to measure myself against other equally plastic individuals. Most people find a hiatus somewhere in life's journey - many around their 40's, or after they retire. Okay, at 27 I think you realise you're a late starter, but that's fine. In fact, I think you have endured so much in your childhood that you have experienced more than you deserve. Sorry, I can't find anything pathetic in your post. Posting for the first time on the forums takes courage and you have a deep desire to resolve your situation - 10 points to you right there! We hope you also feel free to keep us updated here on your thread with what you are feeling and experiencing whenever you feel up to it - we hope that you find this to be a safe and non-judgemental space.Ī very warm welcome to Beyond Blue. We hope you also know that our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) and the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) at there for you 24/7 day or night to help support you. Please do feel free to use these services as often as you need to talk through what's on your mind when it's feeling like too much to cope with. Hopefully a few of them will pop by soon and offer you some words of kindness and advice.Ĭan we ask if you are you currently receiving mental health support, or have in the past? Please know that you don't have to keep these feelings bottled up inside, and we think it would really help to be able to talk through these thoughts and feelings. If you are not sure of how to access mental health support, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available to you anytime on 1or you can also get in touch with us on Webchat (3pm-12am AEST) at: might also like to reach out to our friends at the Blue Knot Foundation who are experienced in supporting those who have experienced childhood trauma at: Many in our community have had similar feelings and understand. But please know that you do not have to do this alone. We understand that these feelings must be really overwhelming, especially if you struggle to open up to others and reach out. It was very brave of you to do so and we are so sorry to hear what you've been through and how much you are struggling right now. Welcome to our friendly online community and thank you so much for sharing your journey with us here. Worst of all is knowing I've wasted what should've been the best time of my life, the regret is so painful. I'm too scared to even ask for help, I have a lump in my throat just posting here. I lost weight but I actually feel worse about how I look now, I'm so ugly and scrawny. ![]() I know how pathetic it sounds but I can't explain it, anxiety just cripples me. I've been trying to apply to jobs for years and I just can't, I basically have a breakdown just trying to figure out what to put on my blank resume, I have tears in my eyes just thinking about it. It's almost 10 years later and like a useless child I still let Mum support me. I was so embarrassed and ashamed I stopped looking after myself completely, I just wanted to hide away and never be seen again. This was the final straw and he finally left us, but we didn't have the money to get my teeth fixed. Shortly after I finished school, Mum's boyfriend physically assaulted me. By the end I never wanted to go and I was always so tired, I barely even passed. I used to love school and I wanted to do well, but my grades went downhill. Over this time I put on a lot of weight, people bullied me at school for being fat and ugly and I didn't really have friends. We called the police several times but there was never much they could do. I started waking up most nights to loud arguments, sometimes I had panic attacks listening to him. I can remember him yelling and physically abusing us, then 15 minutes later he would be crying, saying he loved us and he'd "never hurt us". He started getting violent with us and I was always scared, it was like walking on egg shells for years trying not to set him off. He'd be drinking before I even left for school in the morning, and by the time I got home he was always in a really bad mood. Around the time I started High School it got a lot worse. Around 2 years later Mum got a boyfriend, he seemed nice but he was also an angry drunk. My parents split up when I was around 7 or 8, Dad moved away and I haven't seen him much since then. As you can see, the title was not hyperbole. I'm a 27 year old "man" and I've never had a job, never lived on my own, never had a girlfriend or so much as held hands with anyone in my life.
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